It feels amazing to be back in our home again. I had my coffee and my Bible in my favorite chair this morning...
We arrived in Toulouse on Wednesday on time and with all of our luggage! Truly miraculous. The flights went fast and the girls did wonderfully well. Our good friend, Jon, picked us up and drove us home. When we arrived, there was a decorated Christmas tree with presents under it, the fridge was full and a crackling fire in our fireplace! What a warm reception. Thank you Mag, Pri, Valerie, Joce, Raymonde and everyone else who cleaned, bought food and had our home ready for us. What a blessing!
Steve and I met with Jocelyne and Raymonde, president & treasurer of Julia's foundation, yesterday to talk about the next steps. We want to continue the association to help Julia and other children with rare anemic diseases. We will brainstorming this month about what association Julia will look like and how it will function. We will not give up the search for Julia's cure.
Tonight is New Year's Eve. We will be spending it with a few friends, very low-key, reflecting on this past year and looking forward to a new one.
What a year 2010 has been; Full of struggles, trials, joys, disappointments but all are up against a backdrop of God's loving faithfulness. Everything that has happened He has permitted for our ultimate good. We are in His hands, Julia is in His care, there is nothing to fear!
May you have God's peace in your heart for this New Year that no matter the joy or sorrows that come, there is nothing to fear, Emmanuel is there.
See you back here in 2011!
Bonne Annee!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Packing Up To Go Home!
This weekend has been such a special Holiday time with family. Last night we partied with the cousins, they acted out the Christmas story while Grandpa read from the Bible.
Today we enjoyed a wonderful, low-key Christmas with my mom and dad at home. Everyone enjoyed playing with their new toys(me with my ipad :). Good food and great memories were made.
Tomorrow I take the girls to a Christmas play(Junie B Jones). Should be fun meeting up with my sister and her girls for the afternoon. We are enjoying every minute together before we head back to France. The girls have enjoyed sleep-overs and fun play dates with their cousins.
However, Monday all the fun stops and we get serious about packing. I've been dreading this day for 6 months. How will I fit all our stuff into a few bags? The girls don't want to leave anything behind and neither do I.
Today was a wonderful, fun-filled day and yet there was real sadness for me at the same time. I am so grateful to be with family and have the opportunity to be together, however, I felt
somewhat empty inside. It's difficult to accept the reality that I do not have a little life
inside of me. Returning to France without our 1st hope, a third child, nor our 2nd hope, a
cure for Julia in the near future is hard.
With all of that said, we are impatient to get back to our home, our dear friends and our familiar routine. We are all homesick and it's time to return home.
Merry Christmas and have a very blessed New Year!
Today we enjoyed a wonderful, low-key Christmas with my mom and dad at home. Everyone enjoyed playing with their new toys(me with my ipad :). Good food and great memories were made.
Tomorrow I take the girls to a Christmas play(Junie B Jones). Should be fun meeting up with my sister and her girls for the afternoon. We are enjoying every minute together before we head back to France. The girls have enjoyed sleep-overs and fun play dates with their cousins.
However, Monday all the fun stops and we get serious about packing. I've been dreading this day for 6 months. How will I fit all our stuff into a few bags? The girls don't want to leave anything behind and neither do I.
Today was a wonderful, fun-filled day and yet there was real sadness for me at the same time. I am so grateful to be with family and have the opportunity to be together, however, I felt
somewhat empty inside. It's difficult to accept the reality that I do not have a little life
inside of me. Returning to France without our 1st hope, a third child, nor our 2nd hope, a
cure for Julia in the near future is hard.
With all of that said, we are impatient to get back to our home, our dear friends and our familiar routine. We are all homesick and it's time to return home.
Merry Christmas and have a very blessed New Year!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Not pregnant
Just got the call and the test confirmed that I am not pregnant. It's sad and painful. I've done everything a mother could do for her child. Nothing has worked. With the hundreds of friends and family praying, I am convinced God has a different plan for Julia. thank you all for your love, care, friendship and prayers. I am not afraid for Julia's future, she is in God's hands and so are we.
No News...Yet!
Yesterday I went for my pregnancy test and expected results last night. No go! They should be available sometime in the next 2 hours. It's been a real lesson in patience these past 6 months, always waiting for test results.
I hope to be putting out an update very soon!
Thank you for all of your prayers.
I hope to be putting out an update very soon!
Thank you for all of your prayers.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Tomorrow we will know
It's hard to believe that tomorrow we will be at the end of our journey regarding IVF and possibly beginning a new chapter in our lives with a new Currey. It's been so emotional, this adventure, full of excitement and disappointment. I am ready for a break.
The last few days I've been pondering just how we are to prepare Julia and Annie for their return to school in France. All of their friends are aware of our IVF process and will know by the time we return that Julia will not be having a brother or sister who will heal her of her disease. How will our girls respond to the curiosity and bluntness of other children? How will these comments affect Julia?
I'm thinking it will be necessary to try and meet with the teachers before school starts up again and the parents of Julia's close friends. It will be helpful for them to have support at school. Also, I will ask to speak to their fellow students and explain what has happened so that questions are directed to me and our girls don't feel interrogated or responsible for this these turn of events.
Tomorrow my pregnancy test is at 8:15am and we should have Results back in the afternoon. I will send out an update then!
The last few days I've been pondering just how we are to prepare Julia and Annie for their return to school in France. All of their friends are aware of our IVF process and will know by the time we return that Julia will not be having a brother or sister who will heal her of her disease. How will our girls respond to the curiosity and bluntness of other children? How will these comments affect Julia?
I'm thinking it will be necessary to try and meet with the teachers before school starts up again and the parents of Julia's close friends. It will be helpful for them to have support at school. Also, I will ask to speak to their fellow students and explain what has happened so that questions are directed to me and our girls don't feel interrogated or responsible for this these turn of events.
Tomorrow my pregnancy test is at 8:15am and we should have Results back in the afternoon. I will send out an update then!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Remeniscing about Senegal...in Iowa!
Here we are, half way home to Minnesota, in Muscatine Iowa. Good friends from Senegal now live here and we try to make it out to see them each time we are back in the U.S.
It's a pretty cool thing we M's share. We can start off at the exact place we left off 3 years earlier. Our kids are bigger, we're older (and definately feeling it) but we share so many similarities and precious memories. My friend, Kendall was telling me last night of her memories of our departure from Senegal over 6 years ago. She said we left this huge hole when we evacuated. She remembers seeing Julia under those bright blue lights in the ICU and then we were gone! We, also, felt empty and confused with our turmultous parting and for 3 years afterward questioned "why" and "what for". It wasn't until we moved to France that we could see a little more clearly some of the reasons; excellent medical system, a caring, supportive community, experienced doctors in PKD.
Just as we don't understand this turn of events in our IVF process, we trust God has better things in mind.
Until next time,
sara
It's a pretty cool thing we M's share. We can start off at the exact place we left off 3 years earlier. Our kids are bigger, we're older (and definately feeling it) but we share so many similarities and precious memories. My friend, Kendall was telling me last night of her memories of our departure from Senegal over 6 years ago. She said we left this huge hole when we evacuated. She remembers seeing Julia under those bright blue lights in the ICU and then we were gone! We, also, felt empty and confused with our turmultous parting and for 3 years afterward questioned "why" and "what for". It wasn't until we moved to France that we could see a little more clearly some of the reasons; excellent medical system, a caring, supportive community, experienced doctors in PKD.
Just as we don't understand this turn of events in our IVF process, we trust God has better things in mind.
Until next time,
sara
Saturday, December 11, 2010
One Disappointment, One Hope
After a few hours of napping I am ready to write this update, I think. We had some very hard news to digest this moring upon arrival at the RGI clinic in Chicago. None of our 3 embryos were healthy, neither were they matches for Julia. In fact, they were all missing vital chromosones that allow implantation in the uterus. This result means that Julia will not be having a bone marrow transplant in the near future.
We are disappointed and heartbroken as we have invested every part of ourselves into this process, not to mention our dear friends in France, our family, our prayer warriors. But I am not discouraged! When God closes a door, He opens a window. He has other plans. As Steve said, we will never stop seeking a cure, a healing for Julia! (How I love that man!).
After our genetic counseling session, the doctor asked us if we would like to transfer our one, frozen healthy (non-match) embryo from our first IVF attempt and we agreed 100% that we would. So, at 9:50am this morning a little boy embryo was successfully transfered to my uterus. Attatchment of the embryo to the uterus can take 2-3 days and there is a good 20 -30% chance of success. Our pregnancy test will be Tuesday, December 21st. What a special blessing it would be, not to mention the BEST Christmas gift in the world to discover we have a little baby boy growing in my belly. Again, God's plan is best...He's sees clearly while my vision is blurred.
We arrived home from the clinic and Steve took Annie Leigh out to share with her the news. She didn't fully grasp what was being said and got quite excited to hear of a potential brother coming into the picture. We are waiting a day or so until we talk to Julia. One thing at a time.
Thank you for your prayers, concern, warm wishes and love. We are experiencing the comfort of Jesus, who experience so much grief and suffering.
I will write again during the week, once we are safely back in Minnesota with my Mom and Dad.
Sara and the Curreys
Leaving for RGI
Here we go. I have my medicine, my warm socks (the recovery room is freezing!), personal diary and all of your prayers as we head out to Chicago.
Hard time getting to sleep last night and woke up pretty early this morning with all sorts of thoughts racing through my mind. Read my Bible and thought I would share the very words from the book of Hebrews that comforted me, "So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will recieve His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." Hebrews 4:16
This morning, I need God's grace to walk into that genetic counselor's office and be told the status of our 2 embryos. And I know I will need His mercy to carry me afterward through the possible transfer of embryo(s).
Thank you for your hundreds, thousands of prayers for me, for us, for Julia. I know God has heard and cherished every one!
I or Steve will write an update sometime this afternoon with our results.
Sara
Hard time getting to sleep last night and woke up pretty early this morning with all sorts of thoughts racing through my mind. Read my Bible and thought I would share the very words from the book of Hebrews that comforted me, "So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will recieve His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." Hebrews 4:16
This morning, I need God's grace to walk into that genetic counselor's office and be told the status of our 2 embryos. And I know I will need His mercy to carry me afterward through the possible transfer of embryo(s).
Thank you for your hundreds, thousands of prayers for me, for us, for Julia. I know God has heard and cherished every one!
I or Steve will write an update sometime this afternoon with our results.
Sara
Friday, December 10, 2010
Three Embryos
Ana, from the Genetic Research Laboratory called us yesterday to tell us we now have 3 embryos as one has stopped developing. Two 8 cell and one 6 cell embryo are being analyzed until tomorrow morning where we will have, hopefully, a transfer. We have indicated that we want to transfer our healthy but non hla match, frozen embryo from our first cycle back in August. Even if we have one match tomorrow, we will transfer both. Of course this means that only one may attach and we would not know this outcome until 9 months later but at least we would have one, Julia's first hope. There is a greater success rate when 2 or 3 embryos are transfered than with only one.
I woke up very early this morning as I am thinking about tomorrow and just what the doctors will tell us as we arrive for transfer. Will there be any healthy, matches for Julia? Have any of the embryos survived to day 5 of testing? I don't know and I am preparing myself for whatever the answer will be. It is so comforting though, and amazingly wonderful to know that I do NOT control my future or my circumstances...God does. He lovingly directs my life for my best. There is nothing to fear...He's got Julia in His hands.
Until tomorrow afternoon....
I woke up very early this morning as I am thinking about tomorrow and just what the doctors will tell us as we arrive for transfer. Will there be any healthy, matches for Julia? Have any of the embryos survived to day 5 of testing? I don't know and I am preparing myself for whatever the answer will be. It is so comforting though, and amazingly wonderful to know that I do NOT control my future or my circumstances...God does. He lovingly directs my life for my best. There is nothing to fear...He's got Julia in His hands.
Until tomorrow afternoon....
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Rebecca's Story; an encouraging testimony
Please read the following article about another family's journey to save their daughter from a rare genetic anemia. We are walking the same path almost 2 years later. They also did all of their IVF/PGD at RGI (Reproductive Genetic Institute). At the end of their 3rd attempt they only had 2 fertilized eggs...and both were a healthy, match! God can do miracles! Click here to read:
Good but not Great News
Our nurse just called to inform us that only 4 out of the 9 eggs fertilized. This is discouraging, for the moment, as we have had worked very hard for this third try with suppliments and added growth hormones. In perspective, it is positive that even 4 have fertilized. We could have none.
Now we wait and pray each day that these four little guys will continue to stay alive and keep developing as to be analyzed by day 5. I'm not worrying about tomorrow because today definately has enough stressors of it's own. Who can add one day to his life by being anxious? Instead of worrying, I'll turn turn those heavy burdens into prayers knowing that God hears me and gives me unexplainable peace that keeps me grounded.
Here's an encouraging email from a friend who has also walked this path of IVF/PGD:
Rebecca wrote: "I'm praying for you. We only had 2 fertilize the last time....and both were matches. It takes a miracle, but miracles happen. Sending prayers your way. "
I so appreciate your prayers over the next 4 days of pgd (preimplantation genetic diagnosis).
Thank you for you kind comments, prayers and wishes!
Now we wait and pray each day that these four little guys will continue to stay alive and keep developing as to be analyzed by day 5. I'm not worrying about tomorrow because today definately has enough stressors of it's own. Who can add one day to his life by being anxious? Instead of worrying, I'll turn turn those heavy burdens into prayers knowing that God hears me and gives me unexplainable peace that keeps me grounded.
Here's an encouraging email from a friend who has also walked this path of IVF/PGD:
Rebecca wrote: "I'm praying for you. We only had 2 fertilize the last time....and both were matches. It takes a miracle, but miracles happen. Sending prayers your way. "
I so appreciate your prayers over the next 4 days of pgd (preimplantation genetic diagnosis).
Thank you for you kind comments, prayers and wishes!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Egg Retrieval Completed!
Please excuse this blog for mis-spellings, imcomplete thoughts and rambling! It's been only a few hours since I returned home from the hospital to rest and the anesthesia is still in effect.
Doctor T was able to retrieve 9 eggs from the 18 follicles she located. So, we will know tomorrow how many have fertized and by Saturday morning how many will be qualified to be transferred. I was so hoping there would be 10-15 eggs but it only takes the right "one" for a beautiful, new baby!
As I find out more info during the week, I will update this blog.
Back to laying down!
Doctor T was able to retrieve 9 eggs from the 18 follicles she located. So, we will know tomorrow how many have fertized and by Saturday morning how many will be qualified to be transferred. I was so hoping there would be 10-15 eggs but it only takes the right "one" for a beautiful, new baby!
As I find out more info during the week, I will update this blog.
Back to laying down!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
All Is Calm, All Is White...
Today, all is calm! Last night was a different story though. Julia's blood test revealed that her hemoglobin was extremely low (6.4) and the doctor here at Central Dupage called us at home and had us take her pulse. Her heart was racing and he recommended we come immediately to the pediatirics ward and have her admitted for an immediate transfusion. At 4:45 we drove to the hospital and Julia had her 67th transfusion. During the transfusion we managed to pick up a friend from the airport, mix my hormone shots and administer them, attend a Christmas pary in the hemotology/oncology ward and take pictures with Mr. Claus! Wow! What an evening.
All is White! Driving to my doctor's appointment this morning there was 4" of snow covering the ground. Beautiful! The girls took full advantage today and went sledding all afternoon down the hill next to our house.
Numbers are in today and here they are:
17-18 Follicules!
3 Follicules are 20mm
1 is19mm
1 is 16mm
1 is 14mm
2 are 13mm
4 are 12mm
2 are 11mm
2 are 9mm
1 is 8mm
What do all these crazy numbers mean? It means that I am ready and will take my trigger shot tonight at 8:30pm! This Monday morning, December 6th, at 8:30am is the egg retrieval! Yeah!!! Things are moving along!
I will update you all sometime on Monday afternoon to let you know just how many eggs were retrieved...I am praying for 10 or more!
Have a good weekend!
All is White! Driving to my doctor's appointment this morning there was 4" of snow covering the ground. Beautiful! The girls took full advantage today and went sledding all afternoon down the hill next to our house.
Numbers are in today and here they are:
17-18 Follicules!
3 Follicules are 20mm
1 is19mm
1 is 16mm
1 is 14mm
2 are 13mm
4 are 12mm
2 are 11mm
2 are 9mm
1 is 8mm
What do all these crazy numbers mean? It means that I am ready and will take my trigger shot tonight at 8:30pm! This Monday morning, December 6th, at 8:30am is the egg retrieval! Yeah!!! Things are moving along!
I will update you all sometime on Monday afternoon to let you know just how many eggs were retrieved...I am praying for 10 or more!
Have a good weekend!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Stats Just In!
Quickly, here are the measurements of 13 follicles...yes 13! The number and sizes have grown since Wednesday.
Right Ovary: Left Ovary:
12.4mm 17.3mm
16.9mm 16.4mm
11.1mm 9.5mm
14.2mm 12.8mm
10.8mm 16.4mm
11.3mm 10.7mm
13.9mm
8.9mm
This is encouraging news that we have at least 8 follicles between the sizes of 13-17mm that are big enough to possibly hold mature eggs. I am waiting for the doctor's call as to when to take the trigger (ovulation activation) shot. I'm doubting it will be this evening as my lead (largest) follicle is not yet 19mm. I have another doc's appt. tomorrow and if it's grown 2mm, tomorrow night looks good for starting the ball rolling.
Julia is at the hospital right now getting a blood test to see just where her hemoglobin level is at. It has been somewhat of a trial getting her into Central Dupage Hospital. They weren't willing to take her at first but after a few calls from Steve and our hemotology specialist at Children's Mpls, they have agreed. It was crazy to think Steve might have to drive all the way back to Minnesota this weekend (with my upcoming egg retrieval, just for her to receive a transfusion. Thanks for praying...she now has a scheduled tranfusion here at CDH for Monday at 1pm!
The only concern we have with Monday is that I may need to be in Chicago at RGI around the same time, not to mention our good friend, Deb, needs to be at O'hare airport for her return trip to Orlando. One man, one vehicle, and 3 people needing to be in different parts of the Chicago area at the same time! It kind of reminds me of the story of a boy, 5 loaves of bread, two fish and... Jesus! It'll all come together, I know it will!
If you have time today, please pray for Julia and her body to hold on until Monday, pray for wisdom for our doctor to make the right call of when to start my ovulation and please pray for our friend and co-worker Deb to safely arrive tonight with the snow storm forecast!
Right Ovary: Left Ovary:
12.4mm 17.3mm
16.9mm 16.4mm
11.1mm 9.5mm
14.2mm 12.8mm
10.8mm 16.4mm
11.3mm 10.7mm
13.9mm
8.9mm
This is encouraging news that we have at least 8 follicles between the sizes of 13-17mm that are big enough to possibly hold mature eggs. I am waiting for the doctor's call as to when to take the trigger (ovulation activation) shot. I'm doubting it will be this evening as my lead (largest) follicle is not yet 19mm. I have another doc's appt. tomorrow and if it's grown 2mm, tomorrow night looks good for starting the ball rolling.
Julia is at the hospital right now getting a blood test to see just where her hemoglobin level is at. It has been somewhat of a trial getting her into Central Dupage Hospital. They weren't willing to take her at first but after a few calls from Steve and our hemotology specialist at Children's Mpls, they have agreed. It was crazy to think Steve might have to drive all the way back to Minnesota this weekend (with my upcoming egg retrieval, just for her to receive a transfusion. Thanks for praying...she now has a scheduled tranfusion here at CDH for Monday at 1pm!
The only concern we have with Monday is that I may need to be in Chicago at RGI around the same time, not to mention our good friend, Deb, needs to be at O'hare airport for her return trip to Orlando. One man, one vehicle, and 3 people needing to be in different parts of the Chicago area at the same time! It kind of reminds me of the story of a boy, 5 loaves of bread, two fish and... Jesus! It'll all come together, I know it will!
If you have time today, please pray for Julia and her body to hold on until Monday, pray for wisdom for our doctor to make the right call of when to start my ovulation and please pray for our friend and co-worker Deb to safely arrive tonight with the snow storm forecast!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Two Hospitals This Weekend
It seems all is coming to a head, to a culmination this weekend. Julia caught a 24 hour flu and immediately started showing signs of jaundice, bilirubim in her eyes and skin. She's needing a transfusion (it's been 5 weeks since her last).She has a blood test tomorrow at Central Dupage Hospital with a transfusion scheduled for Monday.
Last night she complained of itching and I saw those all too familiar bumps that come from her disease. When her bilirubim (red blood cell waste) comes to the surface of the skin, she also gets the itchies really bad. Her coloring is better today but yesterday her eyes and skin were golden.
This weekend is also very important in our IVF process. Depending on when I take the trigger shot, the egg retrieval could be on Sunday or Monday. Should be interesting to see just how everything will turn out with Julia and me needing to be at different hospitals around the same time.
It's sobering days like today that I remember why we have gone down this road of IVF/PGD. The effects of this disease are pretty painful; gall bladder stones, liver mal-function, enlarged heart, advanced osteoperosis, etc. I so want to spare Julia from all of this and her needing her 67 transfusion right now just confirms to met that we are doing the right thing for her. I know there are many parents who cannot physically help their precious children find an earthly cure. What a priviledge it is to try, to do this for Julia and for our family.
It is overwhelming, but my hope is in the One who heals!
Thank you for your prayers for all four of us.
Last night she complained of itching and I saw those all too familiar bumps that come from her disease. When her bilirubim (red blood cell waste) comes to the surface of the skin, she also gets the itchies really bad. Her coloring is better today but yesterday her eyes and skin were golden.
This weekend is also very important in our IVF process. Depending on when I take the trigger shot, the egg retrieval could be on Sunday or Monday. Should be interesting to see just how everything will turn out with Julia and me needing to be at different hospitals around the same time.
It's sobering days like today that I remember why we have gone down this road of IVF/PGD. The effects of this disease are pretty painful; gall bladder stones, liver mal-function, enlarged heart, advanced osteoperosis, etc. I so want to spare Julia from all of this and her needing her 67 transfusion right now just confirms to met that we are doing the right thing for her. I know there are many parents who cannot physically help their precious children find an earthly cure. What a priviledge it is to try, to do this for Julia and for our family.
It is overwhelming, but my hope is in the One who heals!
Thank you for your prayers for all four of us.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Un Dîner Parfait (A Perfect Dinner)
Yesterday I was invited to a French luncheon by our hoste, Ginger. She brought me along to her monthly gathering of Frenchies; expats, M's, authors, professors, musicians, etc. The dining room was filled with diverse people, delicious food, different French accents and interesting stories. I even spoke Wolof with former colleagues from Senegal
Merci, Steve for juggling your work while tending to our sick girls so that I could go. They have been battling the stomach flu for 36 hours! I am trusting it will skip me as not to complicate this stimulation phase. Canceling it would be devastating.
Right Ovary: Left 0vary:
F1 14.2mm F1 13.2mm
F2 8.4mm F2 13.6mm
F3 7.9mm F3 7.2mm
F4 10.9mm F4 9.8mm
F5 8.5mm F5 11.8mm
F6 5mm F6 9.8mm
F7 5mm
Estrogen has jumped up to 1,067! That is 420 in just 2 days.
Estrogen has jumped up to 1,067! That is 420 in just 2 days.
These are the most follicles I've had so far in each IVF attempt! If each one of these follicles holds a mature, strong egg than we could possibly have 1or 2 healthy, HLA matched embryos. Statistics show that 1 out of 8 embryos will be a disease free, HLA match. But, I believe that with even one egg, all things are possible with God!
It's likely that after this Friday's ultrasound and blood tests, I may take my "trigger" shot in the evening. This means the eggs could be retreieved as early at Sunday! Things are moving along.
Thanks for your time. I love reading your comments!
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